Bismillah, and hello my friends. I am writing this on the 21st January 2025. It's been years since my last writing, 5 years to be exact. I know... and too many skipped chapters not written here. But long story short, I am currently in my final semester of law school in UiTM, and to be exact, currently in my very final week (week 14) to spend at the faculty, minus the finals szn. 

Funny how I can tell that time flies so fast though I sometime pray for it to be fast haha, yet so slow and yet, I am almost at the finish line now. I still remember my first day of law school. It was during ODL, first ever group picture captured during my ELC class, first thing that I did that morning, the friends that I had during that time, first groupmates for assignments, and the list goes on. Yes, weirdly, I still remember all those unnecessary things.

I come here today with a thought in my mind, "it's my very last few weeks here in Shah Alam, I am vlogging but at what cost?" and that's when I remembered I still have my blog here and I have not been writing for so long. I remember younger me who were always wanted to capture and remember things in my own way, and one of the way is by write about it. Yet, as I'm growing older, I did not even have a time to sit and write my feelings out. I still do journaling though, it's just that I don't have time to sit in front of my laptop and type my feelings out... I'd rather write my assignments instead of being here T-T... and maybe that is why I kinda feel like I lost a bit part of myself. So what makes me want to open my blog today? IDEK, it's just a random thought haha.

As I'm writing this, I am not sure whether I want to publish this to public or just keep this in the draft. It's already 2025, and there's just sooooo many missed chapters and it's just so awkward to think that there will may be no readers at all this time huhu. I am maturing, so does my readers... I don't think people read blogs anymore...but IDK. Maybe I'll just use this blog to update anything like how I used to? Maybe after I graduate I will post more? 

Either way, this space has always been mine, and that’s enough. Even if no one ever reads anymore, at least I can come back here years later and remember who I was at this moment, a tired, sentimental final-year law student who still believes in writing things down...am I?

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Hi, this is present Nadhirah from 26th of September 2025 writing. Woah, I absolutely forgot that I had left this draft sitting here since January T_T... reading it back now feels surreal because yes, past me, you did make it to the finish line. You've graduated, survived the hell of final weeks, and now surviving chambering :')... and life has moved on in ways you couldn't imagine back then.

Funny how I wrote about "missed chapters". Well, those chapters did happen. Some beautiful, some exhausting, some that I wish I had written down, and some that I'm glad only live in my memory. Though I'm still struggling with this now (resenting myself for not updating interesting things that happened in my life by writing), maybe that's okay. Not everything has to be written to be real, kan? They still shaped me, and here I am.

Honestly, I still remember exactly why I wrote that January draft above. I felt helpless, and very alone in the journey. I thought I wanna make a comeback on blog sebab I never update anything since 2020 or was it early 2021?... Which means, I didn't even share anything about my 4 years of law school. And reading it now, I kinda feel that maybe I was alone in that moment, but I wasn't wrong for feeling that way... I still made it. I'm here now, writing from a different kind of battlefield; chambering era 😶 (gahh this is gonna be a long post if I talk about this). But yeah, yes, chambering has been tough, not in a bad way, but a good way...(learning phase) 😛

But actually, I came back here today because I'm going through another phase right now ahahaha. I've been feeling anxious, afraid of making mistakes and disappointing or troubling my master, especially my co-master (yeah, I made up this term, tapi seriously I am blessed with them two guiding me). Like the time I forgot (not really forgot, tapi tak perasan) to fill in the date on my Borang 2 and had to amend it, which then meant applying for an extension of time to file Borang 3 4 5. This is another loooong story but let's keep it for later 😉 But now that I can finally file my B345, I keep worrying, "what if I mess it up again?".

It doesn't help that I just came back to work after two weeks MC following surgery (and yep, another long story, but this one will be kept as a secret)... everything feels overwhelming. But I'm trying my best to control myself, to breathe, to not let it swallow me whole. I keep reminding myself that I'm still here, still trying, still learning.

So nowadays (starting September tbf), I try to start my mornings with the things I love. I wake up early, so that I have extra time for myself. To do my little routines, sometimes play my favourite game: Harvest Town. So that even when work gets heavy,  I still get to enjoy being alive and enjoy the journey a bit more.

So now, this is Nadhirah, writing again after almost 5 years of silence. It feels strange to be back here. This blog has been with me since my school days, carrying pieces of my study journey (but never my degree era) through the years. And now, here I am, writing again as a Pupil-In-Chambers.

So maybe this blog will be renewed. Maybe I'll start writing here again, not just about my studies like before, but about the journey I'm on now. The struggles, the lessons, the little joys. Even if no one reads, I'll have these words to come back to (apart from my diary and journal, hehe).

To January me: you weren't alone. To current me: you're doing good. To future me: if you're reading this one day, I hope you'll smile knowing that every version of us was just trying their best.

Here's to new chapters 👩🏻‍⚖️⭐🌈

Love, Nadhirah.

ps: I know my old posts are mostly cringey...but I will not delete those posts haha. It's a footprint of me, being a normal human in her girlhood...and I wouldn't erase that for the world.