Dear October,

Well, well, well...what a month I'd say.

I know I've been rather quiet around here, haven't I? Not a single post throughout the month, despite having so many things sitting in my drafts and a whole lot of thoughts wandering around in my head. I guess I just wasn't in the mood to put any of them into words. But since today marks the last day of October, I thought I'd make a little exception and write something before we officially welcome November :)

Quite a number of things happened this month. Some were happy, some were rather unexpected, and some weren't exactly the kind of news anyone would want to receive. I experienced a loss, a reminder that people do leave this world, sometimes when we least expect it. There's only so much we can do when someone has reached the end of their journey here. May Allah forgive their shortcomings, shower them with His mercy and grant strength to those they've left behind. Al-Fatihah to my late uncle.

On another occasion, I found myself returning to my old secondary school after nine years. Yes, NINE YEARS. That's how long it had been since I last set foot in my old secondary school. I never really had the desire to return, not because I didn't have the time, but perhaps because it wasn't somewhere I particularly missed. Despite having many achievements worth remembering during my school years, I never quite felt the sense of belonging that one might expect. Funny how a place can hold so many memories, yet never really feel like somewhere you belong.

This time, however, I had a reason to be there: my sister's Solat Hajat dan Majlis Restu SPM 2026. Watching her go through the ceremony brought me back to my own SPM days. If my memory serves me right, parents weren't necessarily required to attend the ceremony back then, although I honestly can't remember the arrangements anymore. What I do remember, however, is that I didn't shed a single tear throughout my own majlis restu. Perhaps it was teenage rage, or maybe just a younger version of me who felt like she had no one standing behind her at the time. Haha. It's funny how certain memories only resurface when we least expect them to.

Now, let's talk about something considerably less emotional. TMI: I think I've officially caught the Im Siwan fever again hahaha (also tmi: I loved his character from Summer Strike! but I love him as Jang Byeong Tae moreeee heheh). I blame Love in Disguise for this sudden resurgence of interest. While waiting for new episodes every week, I've been occupying myself with his previous dramas and movies, all just to see the different sides of his acting hahahah. It's funny how one drama/movie can send you down an entire rabbit hole of someone's filmography. Anyway, I guess we all need a little something to look forward to, and apparently, mine happens to be Im Siwan being so slay and sassyyy at the moment :P

October also gave me the opportunity to attend two long call ceremonies for my former chambering friends. I wanted to be there because they were there for mine, and I think it's only right that I return the favour. Besides, I genuinely enjoy attending long calls. There's something about listening to the advice and reminders given by Yang Arif at the end of the ceremony that I find particularly meaningful. Sometimes, those words stay with me and offer a little reassurance, especially when I need to remind myself why I chose this profession in the first place. It's always nice to celebrate someone else's milestone while picking up a few words of wisdom along the way.

Speaking of the legal profession, October also came with a little professional adventure of its own. I had the opportunity to attend an interview, which gave me a few things to reflect on, both about the profession and the kind of legal practitioner I hope to become. It was also a month that reminded me how important it is to stand by my own principles, particularly when it comes to the legal profession. I suppose there are certain things I simply cannot bring myself to compromise on, no matter the circumstances. To me, being an advocate and solicitor is more than just having a title. It comes with responsibilities, trust and integrity that I hope to uphold throughout my career. At the end of the day, I want to be able to practise with a clear conscience and remain true to the values I believe in. Some decisions may not always be the easiest, but I'd rather stand by what I believe is right.

And here's another thing I've been thinking about lately. Have you ever found out that someone had been speaking ill of you, even though you genuinely thought everything was perfectly fine between you and them? Because I might technically have, and honestly, it's quite an interesting discovery cewahhh haha. But seriously, you go about your days thinking you've treated someone well, done your part and maintained a perfectly decent relationship, only to find out that things aren't quite the same from their end.

I suppose you can never really please everyone, kan? :/ You can literally be the nicest person in the room and still be someone's least favourite. You can go out of your way to be considerate, yet somehow, someone will still find something to dislike about you. And sometimes, you won't even know what you've supposedly done wrong.

But you know what? That's life, I guess... Not everyone will understand you, appreciate you or even want to see you doing well (mohon dijauhkan 😇). And while there's nothing wrong with reflecting on our own shortcomings, we shouldn't spend our entire lives trying to earn approval from people who have already made up their minds about us. If people are going to talk regardless of what we do, might as well do what we love, be a little unapologetic about it and enjoy our own lives. Just remember to remain kind jelah and never let other people's behaviour turn you into someone you don't want to be. Never. Hmmm, after all, we only get one life, so why spend so much of it worrying about being liked by everyone? 

Oh! and before I forget, and this is also a tmi ahahaha... I think my parents are finally becoming more comfortable and TRUSTING me to drive further distances. Across state borders, even! Of course, I'm still accompanied by someone else, so don't get any ideas about me going on a solo road trip. Just yet. HAHAHA this is just sincerely me talking to myself. But hey, progress is progress, and I'll take it. I suppose this means more spontaneous day trips and little adventures are now within reach.

There were probably other things worth mentioning, including a little day trip to Terengganu with my mom and her friends (i love ganu so much) that deserves its own entry. But I think I'll save that story for another day. My drafts can wait, and so can the other stories I've yet to find the right words for.

Looking back, October wasn't just one thing. It came with grief, a few uncomfortable realisations, familiar faces, old memories, new experiences and some rather unexpected little joys. I guess that's the thing about life. We don't always get to choose what happens, but we can choose what we take away from the experiences.

I don't know what November has in store for me, but I hope it comes with gentler days, meaningful encounters and plenty of reasons to smile. And perhaps, a little more motivation to write around here, too.

Until then, here's to the things that have passed, the things that remain and everything that's still waiting to unfold.

See you in Novembahhh! 😁

Love, Nadhirah⋆